顿悟？觉悟？

我一直都在想，这一切是不是只是口头，言语上的承诺罢了呢？其实我也不知道。。。我真的是一个那么天真，那么容易哄的小孩。在我的世界里，谎言只是占了很小很小的一个位置罢了。大部分的我都相信，所以很常被问到，你酱都信啊？骗你的拉。

你对我许下的许多许多承诺，至今，言语上的承诺总是让我感动万分，至于实际行动，我却。。。 看不到任何东西。投诉，已经不是我要用的字眼了，因为问多了，我也厌倦了，你听多了，也烦了。所以一切一切的不好，我都不想再提，因为我知道，一切是我自己的问题。你想给的，你想要的，未必是别人要的，想给的，这个道理，我真的确确实实的懂了。

这个九月，我真的不懂是否要回家。。。 爸爸已经问了很多很多遍了。。。我一直跟他说，我要省钱不回了。。。实际上，我只是有很多很多问题困扰着，不懂如何是好。回家，不是看父母，就是跟朋友聚会。 我说的不会过分吧？每个游子都是这样的。生活都是离不开这样的关系。父母我当然想要见，聚。只是。。。。有些东西是我不会面对的。。。

心底话，对谁说？说个7749天，也说不完。。。 累积的问题，也根本没有解决过。。。

BLURRED

words that hidden inside the heart doesnt means that those words would disappear by themselves. in fact, NEVER. when i said everything return to the origin, it means just everything seems returning back into the origin problem, but nt the origin good relationship. You told me that you would sms me 1st, but still, everyday, i am the 1 sms you... while i dint make a call to you, you also dint too... probably i am not important in your life. perhaps... hmm... it might probably my problem, cause what i hope not what u gave, and not what you are willing to give. human when get unequal threat, then they will angry. Am i angry? i just jealous. or instead you just as what u r saying, u r just giving time and space to me, but what for this time and space for??? let me forget u???? but the idea and message that i get was this time given to me to receive the factual and still, you will not so easily emo, so that we could 1 step by step becoming back friend? so which was ur answer by the way???? if the answer was the first 1, then i can understand on what you are doing right now. but if is choice no.2, i feel nothing. u really just cold to me, nothing else more.

 human really will tired when asking the same thing again and again. lol, non of my wall post wif a single comment of yours, a single "like" from you....This kind of small action seems non important but it is an appreciation of you to me...

 human really a weird animal, last time, i have been told that BLOG was a place which u wrritten something on it and the contain could affect the readers. and now you said, what shall wrote on the blog was just that PARTICULAR moment feeling, instead, i really blurred, which shall be your stand?

actually there are more and more and more question mark of you inside me. i know you can feel it, but still, YOU ARE JUST WAIT ME TO EXPLODED AND ASK. WHY? why cant you just told me by yourself when u can feel it? WHY MUST I ASK FIRST? why ha? i cannnot get it and i duno why must like tat ha?

一字头，最后一个生日

so lazy to type chinese, i noe, i will be type very slow very slow @@

hmm. 18th August, my last 10th birthday, next year, my birthday cake will got 2 candles already, haha. i not sure why, i feel something empty or missing this year birthday.

anway, it starts wif morning. i woke up at 11.30am by my dad phone LOL. then 12 just willing to get up and shower, then my bro said, u count ur lrt time bus time, did u count ur lunch time >.< lolz, i really forgotten about it. i ate my lunch at 12+ then reached kl central at 1.30pm. i feeel like buying a touch and go but it is OUT of STOCK. @@ then 2pm bus reached KLIA at 2.58pm.

I was at the the arrival hall outside wait for my dad. Luckily, lol, i reached 1st. wait for almost 10 mins onli he came out. 1 funny thing i found out that, once my dad saw me, he add up his speed, pushed his trolley in a quicker move came towards me, hahahahha!

along the bus, we chat a lot a lot, so misses my dad, but he just answer what i asked. still, i noe, my dad loves me and he duno how to show his loves. He shows his love by his action, he come visit me, haha

we reached kl central at 4. then i go up buy ets ticket. 1 funny thing happened, when i reached the counter, i just give my student ID and money to the cashier, LOL! i forgot to tell him where i go how many ppl lolz!!! He asked with a small laugh, haha, paiseh betul lar me ! ><

after bought the ets ticket bring dad walk around the kl central. 5.35 sharp, the train moved.

after that uncle pick me and my dad up then go for dinner, hoho! got prawn got fish got tao fu and duck. haha, what a nice dinner. hmmm, just 1 thing, very expensive >.< 92.80 for 5 person @@

reached home around 10+, hmm, tomolo go for ipoh visit my uncle then dad say buy a watch for me, god bless, finally i can wear watch again >.<


唯一遗憾是。。。。
I tot the appear of you but at last it doesnt happened. that is the onli biggest disappoinement in my 19th birthday. coz it's 1 of my important birthday, last 10th birthday, hmm.... i wait it since 17th, 18th and now... it is 19th already. i can surely that u wont appear front of me anymore...

dont know why, i feel very happy that i can celebrate my birthday with my dad but on the same time i feel that i empty without my friends. Again, this year, i dint have the chance to celebrate my birthday with my friend. Last year macam begini, this year also same, lol, what happen actually ha? 看来我得罪人多称呼人少， LOL >.< nid start make friend liao xD

and this year, i dint get face eat cake LOL! hahahaha!
now the time is 2.19am and i nid go meet 周公 XD
nitez all blogger and readers, oyasumi!

GO KLIA~~!

last nite very tired, back home ady then fall asleep. Dad called me on 11.30 and he depart from Tawau, and now, 12.20 still at home lols. he said roughly will reach kl around 2.30, die liao la

凌晨4点钟

我是高兴不能睡吗?其实我自己也不知道，我只是知道，我时间完全颠倒了，无论那天我怎么累我都不能入睡，非要到早上我才能睡。看了看钟，已经那么迟了，很开心，明天，我父亲要来探望我了，嘻嘻。。。 还帮我带来了几样东西，希望不会成为我父亲的负担。。。

今天早上，不对不对，睡到下午三点才起来，起身发现左右两个housemate都不在家，然后又懒懒不想出去，可是最后还是决定了下kl了，哈哈哈，在kampar晚上肯定又到maxbreak去的，lol。

然后不下雨也不舍得出门，最后，下午4.30冒着小雨终于滚也滚出去了， lol。买了电话卡，打给爸爸，按钱，打包我的。。。。早／午／晚餐。哈哈哈哈，都不懂怎么叫。　然后下大雨了，回到家，晒衣服，然后还要一拖再拖，结果taxi来了，我的ｔｏｕｃｈ　ａｎｄ　ｇｏ　卡忘记拿！！！

出前看到我的Ｈｏｕｓｅｍａｔｅ淋着雨从学校回来。。。


train delayed,我９点才到ｋｌ，到ｗａｎｇｓａ已经１０．３０了。。。　我哥哥真神，好像都不用读书的　＠．＠　１．３０　还陪我吃东西，ｌｏｌ　５点了，我希望坚持到７点打电话给我。。。。。最爱？最疼？最不舍得？最放不下？我不懂，一个我不会形容的人。。。。

无聊篇

这个礼拜，我的时间又颠倒了，书，没有读到，晕~明天test了，占15分，为什么我就是提不起劲去读呢？我的心到底飞去哪了？什么就是没有kick读~~~阿 @_@

这个周末我也是跟我朋友做着一样的东西，edit blog. Rave, 是我第一部看的anime,那个刀好大哦，lol.也换了首歌，那个男人，是我最超爱的一首歌。

其实心中总有一大坨的话想要吐曹，可是想下想下，还是算了~lol. 这个八月还是不要联想这么多，把所有事情先搁着一旁，9月才来solve, 惟有不知觉的时间颠倒反映了我其实很多事情没有解决，都在逃避着。。。

明天星期一的考试加油加油 >.< 最后一个midterm

阿，barlist也是明天出 @@ 不懂会中否，怕怕~~

AUGUST-ken reopened...

这个八月，

我

给了自己一个任务，

要对自己好一点，

不要

烦恼那么多事情。

因为，

我即将度过我最后一个“一字头”的生日，

瓦卡卡。

我父亲来看我，

是给了我最好的一份礼物。

超开心的 ^_^V

watch back my july post, wow, i really damn emo on july, 20 posts which create the most since where i start write my blog, hmmm... actually it doesnt just 20, it just i hide those words inside my heart, i am just escape from writting the factual out to reflex myself, i just escaping from the fact.... Fact, a word in which that i had most curiousity on it but just i FEAR to accept it's reality and cruel.

Hence,no matter what happened this month, going to be or passed, this month i just told myself, not to think so much, not to figure out so much, just be myself, take myself as centre of my thinking. now is 4.44am saturday morning, i insomia, couldnt sleep, it doesnt cause of who, just, lols, it refleks from my emo, rather not to think, but my time totally inversed. i HOPE that this is the onli single emo post that i had in this month, i hope the next time i open this blog, i will write something that happy happened in my life.. i Hope so...

my blog is opened for all again, because this month i promised myself, i won't be emo, i dont wan be emo, everything focused myself as centre then wun make problem, that's what i told myself...