低落二篇

今天，回来了。。。总感觉有人无时无刻偷看着我的部落格，是你吗？我怎么突然也有着那些害怕的感觉，我真得有点怕有你在的世界，感觉好像。。。。就是不懂怎样去解释是好，就是奇奇怪怪的。。。 就是。。。有点不会面对你，你对每个人的好，从来不会被事情影响，那份不变的情总让我觉得，好像需要改变的是我自己，因为我不能这么自私这么坏，好像一直以来做错的人是我那样的。 其实我是羡慕你的，甚至可以称上妒嫉，你真的是太好了，我这样坏，配得上你这样好的对我吗？我不懂。。。 你回来了，她对你的一举一动，我。。。 有点觉得我不想看，我很怕我真得会突然发起脾气来。。。
这几天我都是带着 “算了，不要问，越问越伤心，凡事不要太在意”，这样大性格上的转变，还是我人生中第一次. 如果我说,我说我吃醋,她能明白,我坦坦白白说出来没关系,可是她根本就不会懂. 阿,到底我的答案不够明确还是要怪她笨呢?我觉得,这个朋友,我真的太珍惜了,因为我曾失去过,是自己的过错,现在是我努力保住的时候,这个悔改,无论如何,我还是觉得值得的......

最短的故事，三天

start my rojak essay with this, hmmm, midnite really a scary time for me, it will make my mind full of 杂饭，in other means got many different thing inside my mind, so mess... i would like to complete this last nite but how unfortunate, the sleepy demon will over my writting blog angel... sigh...

还以为回家了，思想可以单纯点，可以简单点，其实，又是一次的自欺欺人。。庆幸的是我中学年代既然算是那么简单，那么平凡的度过，原来，现在的小孩子的中学生涯是那么的复杂， 那么的攻心计。。。朋友多一定是好？我从来就不觉得。很多人说，哇，你认识这么多人的阿？他们这样说，其实我并不开心，因为，我心里，并无几个知己。当他们需要你的时候就算百忙中都找上你，如果他们不需要你的时候，那对不起了， 你其实什么都不是。。。甚至会干脆给你一句，哎呀，对不起阿，刚才我们真得是忘记你了，这样的话听了，真讽刺，忘了？要我帮忙的时候不见得忘记。。。 这样的友谊，就算再多，你会要？你会喜欢？很抱歉，我宁可只是有我身边的几位知己就好了。。。随着岁月的成长，其实我并不会一针就认定别人是错的，因为对我来说，凡是留一线，日后好相见。 可是当坏印象成立了，难免会很难在我心中更改，唯有在心中坚持，他不会的。。。

当口说不在乎的时候并不代表我真的是不在乎，其实只是不让别人猜透我的心思。。。狮子座的我，就是这么空虚，虚假的。。。认了，的确是疏忽了,没看见。失败,没用,到现在为止一直都在提醒着自己,不能那么疏忽了。。。我一直都知道自己是一个很自我主意的人,觉得这个东西是我的就是我的，曾努力过改变自己，却一次又一次的尝试，却失败了。 深信这样会遭到许多排侧乃无法改变事实，被性格两个字打败。觉得近期的自己不断的逼着你出来，从11点回家，好像尺度越来越夸张的。。。阿，只是因为习惯了有你的存在。。。曾不断地在发呆，两个星期后的今天，我到底会怎样呢？我到底会不会抱着你说，我不想走。。。我怕，这天会到来，我也害怕，我第一次，为离别而哭泣，一发不能收拾。。。我既然把这段尴尬的话提前地抒发出来，结果隔天上车的时候，其实我真的处于尴尬情况，我不懂怎么开口了。。。深怕自己真的做的太过分了。。。这份友谊，就算做到怎么越界，怎么过分，怎么暧昧，到最后还是友谊，别质疑别疑问，因为就是不可能。i found that i really kinda slow in typing chinese, already type for three days just those few lines. so i start now with english. the reason why it is impossible? coz for my perception, i am a person that wouldnt date wif a girl that taller than me, haha, sorry la, who call this really genetic variation i am short meh??? how if u ask me if i am taller? sorry i wouldnt answer some question that in not in reality world. i say so not for confession but just i hope i dint say such thing that will scared u away at least as my FRIEND. 1st time u gave me a feel in which i really so care so care you as my friend, u crashed into my life... the feel of caring you is just like what HE( my dear) care me, it is same when my feel of caring you... nevermind though if u duno how to appreciate cause leo not those who will keep contribute but 0 feedfback, cause they will bored of keeping being contribute contribute and contribute, it will stop 1 day... i noe i say so is such reality but just allow me to say, i noe myself well... there are still lots of words, lots of thing i would like t otalk about u in my blog but just i duno how to express it out... no matter the msg in which electronic devices, u had no reply for me, what happen actually??? i just keep telling myself, might be she fall into busy, might her this this this, that that that, i keep find reason to convince myself, i dint did anything wrong cause the ESCAPE, sigghy, i am not the wai hong that last time, now i had no guts to try to ask for a FACTUAL cause fact oweys do hurt me deep deep... last time i really do had friend like u which very close to, but somehow i am just too childish and angry, then even i delete her in my facebook. it was a weird when she added me back in facebook few days ago. when i rewind back my memory, what i did that time, really so noob, i was just too 野蛮,tot holding tight was a good thing to do, but who knows, it just make me lost it... how noob i am.. so i do understand now, i will hold it loosely.... 谢谢你，今天的友谊谢谢当初的"被动"

last nite was really a kind not bad nite for me, haha, thx Crayn Tay for starting the photo section 1st. How happy i am coz i could take photo with some friends in which although might know for short period/long period ady...  haha, took a photo wif her, not bad la, still got conver, for me, 挽回一段友情，is something that i so like to do when we couldnt be couple, coz nothing better than friendship right? 有时候宁可保持一段友谊， 也不要更进一步，更进一步的感情带来的顾虑总比友情多，妙润，谢谢你的这句话。

*paiseh la, not i dun wan upload photo, it is because my laptop very lag la, give me an i5 i upload = =

i back home for almost 2 weeks, walao, kinda fast! who can tear off the world batter of clock so that the time could be stop for temporarily so i can have more time to enjoy with my friends. if you ask me that weather i will regret if now school reopen? i would answer no. it is because i spend my holiday my meaningful/slackfully with my frensss... haha. it is enjoyable indeed. but when time pass, it almost come to a countdown for school reopen le, i fear i really do will miss my frens deep deep until i might drop my tears down when i leave? who knows...?

my mind was so messed, this blog, spend up my 3 days time to write, what actually am i worry about vocabulary? No. It was just all about you my friend... Now i deeply understand the feeling of owning a friend in which you are very care about, thinking him/her every moment that you had nothing to do, even there was just a small gap... Again i know that, 付出100分的得到的并不一定得到100分，朋友就像汽车，靠得太紧就会出事。。。

好像差不多了，有补充才继续写。。。
康笔

放假感言

回到了家，除了部落格懒懒散散不要update,才发现自己其实突然发胖，哈哈，很懒惰运动的说 >.< 放假吃睡拉真得很普遍=.=

这几天都是累到睡着了，并没有什么时间多想其他的事情。昨天送别了我的朋友暂时会去读书，我坚信，我们会再见。当你问我的时候，为什么你不会为了离别而哭，我其实不是冷血，我只是对这样的悲欢离合已经麻痹了。我不伤心并不代表不是不舍,只是我一直认为，此刻的离别是为了更好的明天，人无不散之筵席，我们会再见的。再说，怎么你觉得我不喜欢你弄我呢（好像说到很gay=.=)没有啦，你不要想多多，如果我真的反感，zomok还去找你哦，显不烦咩你以为？所以哦，你不要想多多，没有东西的 = =

hmm, hang, you're still inside my mind, again i tell myself, is it weather my mind never change thats mean i love you shall not fake? hmm.. actually i really duno. cause recently i heard this quote, which i strongly agree. 我爱你三个字很难说吗?我其实还怕什么?我怕我说了,害怕你说你不喜欢我,接受不到这个事实,害怕你接受了我,我不懂我怎么去维持我们这段感情，深怕我坚持不来，给你带来伤害。也许真的是我没用吧。。。

待续。。。

爱情对我来说到底是什么呢？很多人跟我问着同样的问题，为什么我的爱情路这么短，就是不能一次爱够够呢？是我的问题？I hope my  life just simple without love, at least the relationship love is without from my life, i could reserve frienship love, my family love, brotherhood love and etc but just love of relationship the thing which make me had no answer till now, had no result till now, i just once again and again get hurt from it, i would tell myself, i am tired of being like this! but somehow i just hope there will be hope for me in love, why? why human tends to be such complicated? cant just my life is simple? how? i hope an answer from any to tell me, actually my life could be simple with steps of this this this... hmm, really complicated...

待续。。。

~>假期 Part II<~

it's all my feeling during on the aeroplane

Hemm, yet I still haven finished wrote my blog, at 1^st planned to complete it when I am at klia, but lol, I also duno wheather where did I spend my time, it just passed too fast too rush for me…

Back to the story, haha, except weii ping then I think there wasn’t any  1 else  for me to thanks ady. Hemm, suddenly kinda regret n disappointed of myself. Really no use, the present still inside my room =.= walao!!! I planned to hand it to her during sat morning as planned, who knows =.= I was just too tired and fall asleep, really omg =.= when I woke up it’s already 10.10am, the benz was left and the windows was closed up =.= is it this also the fate of God in which I really not the right guy for her? Who knows? It was totally a lie if u ask me that weather do I really like her? But it’s also like hemm, it was too simple too easy, or even what we tot as fake if I simply say, yes I do. When I said this was a fake doesn’t means that I not like you but just…. It’s like I am being called to like, haha. The feeling was just like weird? Or will bring a tot to girl that I am just simply like because of nt u really did like me? But if u think that I not like you, that was a totally invalid argument!!! I not dare to talk about love, but just since sem 2, I ady had a strong afflication towards you. You will never know that every night that I came back from snooker, I purposely cycle the other way to get back to my home, I hope that one day u’ll be at the window, so that I could say: Hi, y still yet sleep? Go sleep la ^^ How silly I am that time just simply hope that really could see u everyday…. But somehow the feeling of like just gone so fast, mayb indeed I really have enough like on you? It might also due to the appearance and present of SY, haha. She is just shortly took my attraction on her, hemm, unfortunate, brave doesn’t mean everything. I am not the one for her…. And star from next sem, I ady had no chance to be your neighbour, couldn’t look through ur window of your room, weather that you slept already or not… T.T

Haha, it’s story time for my dear sister. Haha, she “jealously” asked, why u sebut mun mun name, ah chia name, y never sebut my name in your msg(cause I do sms tell her that I missed mun mun and chia deep deep inside my heart). Then I told her that, she is just inside my heart, LOOL!!! Hahaha.(like this just can make she keep asking, haha). Dunno y ler, recently had so many many many many argumentsss with her but still it not the way to break our friendship though… but something that I kinda, quite curious was her attitude O.O sometime she just tends to release her emo O.O I duno how to say ler, sometime she will like hemm, what I call sot? Suddenly sot and scold me,  “you don’t kacau me ar, abo I really angry de ar” or else she will say “you play lagi ar(then the eyes like wan eat me kot)” or else simply ignore me =.= but not too long from tat time, if other ppl talk wif her, the situation will be alright. Haha, I not complaining la, but sometime u did so, I still ok la. But don’t you forgot I am leo leii, not everytime oso cincai la, nvm la, she emo of reasonable. Leo also will rowr unreasonable = = When that time come, really not ok jor liao de lo = =

Wow, I just dint wrote blog for 4 days then a long rojak essay ady =D

To be continued…

Time for landing and home sweet home for me,

Ken.