a lot crossing my mind but i just dont know how to continue all these thoughts into a complete story...
today, i think of blogging while i am studying. hence, i go and view my friends blog. i realised nowadays there is so lil friend around me still using blog as a medium to release their emotions, no matter good or bad. from all the drafts that i have, there is always a sudden "kick" or sudden weird of feeling come across my mind which trigger me to write something, to share something of me. however, due to a lot a lot of condition, i am lazy, forget, out going which caused i dunno how to continue my text anymore. today, i try to open back each of my draft and try recall back my emotion, my feeling and my thought about that moment, however, i failed to do so. this draft case just recall of myself, how actually a person i am. i am a person in which i may did a mistake in past, but then now i got no chance to capture back all these mistake and redo it again. life got no take2, i cant do it, i really so sorry...
i wanted to apologize to one of my best friend( i am not sure my position in her heart but then i really treat her like sister) for a long time but then i just dunno how to voice, maybe my face not thick enough to take guts to apologize to her. she always asked herself, what friend mean to you, i not sure weather i am the friend that she mentioned but no matter what, i feeling guilty when she asked such question on her blog. because, i think i did owe her a lot a lot. a lot until it is uncountable. i hope u understand i really feel so guilty which i am so helpless to you when u really need my help. i am really really sorry. i never forget every moment that i spend with you, from the very beginning we meet up in safety campaign until the moment that i dumped u for my girlfriend.( if i nid to mention one by one, it is like nanny story, LOL) i really feel so sorry. everyone conduct their life differently. some people might take more weights on friend while people like me take more weights on relationship. i know u seriously need friend as the moment u broke up, however, i would like to lend u a hand but i am just starting to build up my relationship. the condition is like, ur mama and ur girlfriend fall into the lake, which would u go and help them first? i selfishly pick to help my girlfriend instead of you, i know from that moment, u feel disappointed on me and maybe you are hate me? i really dunno larh T.T 1 more thing that i really would like to tell u is that, i have been questioned bout, when u already have a girlfriend, why should u have another bestie on opposite gender. hmmm, i also know that this questions come to me is just because my relationship is that such unstable. i know time could prove it wrong, i know time could let her understand that actually i really having just friendship with my bestie. yes, time proved it and actually i am able to meet up my bestie for 2 times this year! i remember from the day i paktoh until now, i only able to meet u up not more than 5 times, the first time is during maha maju yum cha with you when u come back during ur intern time, the second time is u finished ur study, u come back to take cert in uni ( we coincidently meet up and have a lunch) if u able to look it in detail, i able to meet u up this year not because i only free this year, is that now only my relationship getting stable but then u are already graduate, walking a distance away from university.. i also know that it is too late now because it is really too late.... i know that things could go back to the origin, i know that our friendship is not like the previous we have but then my heart never change, inside the slot of friendship, there is still you inside :) i know i am late to do something as a friend, a ji mui of you, but at least i try to recover as much as i can. i thought that i could meet u up on ur convocation, to hang around with u at ipoh, but then due i got parttime, and u faced some problem, hence again we failed to meet up. i not giving up yet, i swear to myself, u r my besties, i try every single chance that i can, i must meet u up more frequently because i appreciate you as one of my friend...
maybe i just perasan, the person u mentioned is not me. hahahahhaa. mayb i am not that powerful weight in ur heart, but then i still feeling i owe u too a lot. i really sorry, really really sorry.
以前是，现在是，未来都是， u r always my bestie no matter in past or future. and sincerely, i am sorry....
