到底怎么了

到底为什么

那该死的情绪，那该死的脾气，那该死的自己一直都不变的性格，太多太多的该死的自己。 怎么一直都在同一个问题上打转？怎么才能改变这该死的自己，太难还是我根本没有踏出去呢？太在意跟太在乎似乎变成了别人压力的同时也变成我自己的压力。放开似乎才是我应该做的。需要再三再三地提醒自己，爱自己是最重要的，今天让我最失望的是，你既然骗了我，你既然为了把整个东西给包装美好却骗了我，你欺骗了我一路对你的信任，谢谢你。

没关系的，不需要那样的，我需要这样提醒自己，让自己不再受到那些不必要的压力跟伤害。

课题外的那该死的烟霾快点走啊，病了一整天也都睡了一整天 X.X

一年半。算盘结束

没想到，事隔一年半既然会把ｂｌｏｇ开启，开始发泄我负面的情绪。十二月二十号写了我第一篇对她有感觉的论文，谢谢两位朋友，在一月十一号踏上了我们开始的第一天。头半年没有吵架，我以为。。。　一直都是我以为，以为感情稳定，就是两极性格的人可以相处得来。久而久之谁知道原来是欢喜一场，她既然是头牛。很够力牛的牛，牛会吃草，他不会，因为都讲不听。也许这就是狮子座的本性，除了自己谁也不相信。２０１７五月，我们感情终于来到了重点，原因是我们性格不合，所接受的东西格格不入。我矮，我胖，我没钱没楼。。。这些听进耳了，就算说对不起都弥补不到。我介意的不是这番话，而是这番话是从你嘴里说出来，陌生人说了我当笑话，可是如果你说了，我觉得你在笑我。一段非常讽刺的话，没想过我既然那么的差，不足于让你把我带去见家长，不足于让你骄傲，既委屈又卑微。我不挽留你却说我想你，想我死了算把？我不认错因为我觉得我没有爱情出轨，我认错是希望感情有转机却被喷的一脸屁。还不够，还要拒绝我的好。那算了吧我彻底死心不管却又一次来温暖。挖靠，你可以告诉你想要怎样？

可是谢谢你，我今天更认识自己了，原来是我把爱情理所当然，是我把爱情看的太肤浅。是我给的自信太多而你觉得不是一回事。原来我需要的是玩伴不是伴侣，我需要的是一个人陪我快乐的玩，开心的时候一起，大家彼此累了就自行解决。这样的说法最好不过了。。。好我接受。。。

就这样一年半，第二个句号，问题还是在于我，过度自信，太相信自己。。。。　我错了。。。错在不应该努力付出，自讨苦吃。。。。。

silly feeling in midnight

Time really flies. I had finally finish my last two papers in UTAR. seriously all thing should come to a really serious full stop after been 5 years in Kampar. I feel ashamed not because of i am been so long in Kampar for just study a simple course, it's all about money that i spend, the money that my parents hardly earn it for me. Now only 1 word in my mind, earn it myself, use it myself and just treat them good. It's some luck there that i get my first graduate job in my ex company. My friend always say that im lucky, not to deny I am. thanks to my previous boss, i get my first job, 2 months, as a contract ambassador. hahaha. seriously? yes. far enough, seri kembangan. When you think that you are in good luck, it was unstoppable. Hahahahahaha. It is then until i met her, Kim. Finally, i walked out of shadow which i broke up and being single for 8 months. Quiet, caring, introvert yet she really can cheer me up. Being someone in the totally opposite of my personality, i find that, a perfect match. HAHAHAHA. sounds weird right? There are a lot a lot of barriers that we need to go through. The first and for most, DISTANCE. we from diff hometown, diff status. hahahaha. while she work im study and while i am working she study. totally opposite of environment. I believe, i really believe no matter how far the distance is, as long as heart to heart, nothing couldnt be resolved. Although we are nothing now, we cannot be anything now, i believe as long as believing in each other, nothing would be stopping us to be together. another annoying stuff that bothering us from together is that HER DAD and MOM not ALLOWED her to has romantic relationship as long as she NOT GRADUATED. MY GOSH! seriously? is ok =.=

People say when times fly and when u meet someone new, you tend to forget what you have in passed. For me, no. Seriously, the answer no. It was really deep enough to make it appeared in my dream. i just couldnt forget, couldnt let it go, couldnt put down. i was regret to the decision i really made, the hurt that i made. If there was really chance for me, i would like to apologize. Sorry, i dint know that brought a deep hurt to you. sorry.......

To be continued...

Emo Emo jiu ok jor

I am just doing fine, i am just doing good. I am all alright. these are the words that i tell to everyone. in case, i asked myself, do i really feel sad? do i necessary to cry out loud to really represent my deep feeling. i asked myself again and again, the answer was NO. I really dont know how i react towards my emotion. maybe i just, feel nothing. but something i couldnt be deny that, memory was just too deep to forget. it's still there in my brain, things was just like yesterday. How could i forgot every single detail that was just happened like yesterday? I just couldnt control sometime, it even present in my dream in that damn frequent. Sometime it came twice a week, sometime, it just happened almost every days. It doesnt feel good for me as the dream happened so real which sometime i woke with some tears, some laugh or even mad when i woke up. I had to get through these, Ken please stay tough, it already been a pass for you. Every time i tell ppl to be tough, just forget it, when i am in the situation, now only me myself can feel how hard to forget, how hard to put down. However, i m just trying as hard as i could, Ken you are tough, dont live in the pass, dun live in the memory, you are still Ken and life still goes on. This is the only thing that i could do and promise to myself, dun fall down, stay tough....

Recently during my interns, thanks god i met a girl, which was from same hometown as me. It just gave me a feeling of reliable when i am really down down down. I dint think further what we could be, she just gave a good relief during my downturn time, at least a friend indeed. Things doesnt always go like what you thought, after months of being friend, i found that..... our so called "pattern" was exactly on the opposite site. very very extreme of opposite site. My gosh =.= It was like you do something intentionally to help but she felt that i purposely to harm her. Hahahahaha. funny right. I dont put finger or blame to who, i just admit in anyway, I'm wrong. I shouldnt push her to accept my kindness, it was my fault.

缘分就是个奥妙的东西，勉强是没有幸福的。

我也学会了一样东西叫着，与其争取不属于自己的东西，珍惜，珍惜自己拥有的才是最好的。

一切都太迟，时间，就是要跟时间在比赛。

睡了大概两个钟就要面对我的面试了。哈哈哈，我觉得我没有很快的头脑，都答到我的老板气胀了。问了很多很多很多技术性的问题，还强调我，难道你学校没有交你吗。惨了惨了，为舍跟我想象的问题差这么远。。。可是算了，还是录取了，只是工钱少的可怜。。。。

slow shutter enhance the view of how fast the car crossed the road, showing that how fast the time passed. i am regret on too reliable onto the job that initially promised. i was regret, at the end it becomes nothing and i only can use the limited 1 week of time to find my intern, settle my intern and comfirm my intern. something crossed my mind to was that some memories flow through my mind. today i was interviewed at puchong and it actually located end of old klang road. i passed by the shop that where last time ur sis worked at and i remember of you again. it was that time we came all the way from Seremban to KL, to sunway pyramid to accompany your mom shopping. Memories always that sweet that let you remember something but it also hurt at the same time, because u r living in reality NOW but no the pass. 

Life still goes on :)

first, i would like to apologize to all my friends. i am not tend to make you worry me after my broke up, it is just some thought of myself after broke up. i just wanna to record it as a memory for me to remember some day in future. :) we are broke up peacefully which both of us come to an agreement. it doesnt matter who speak it first because both of us understand that, we tried every single alternative to maintain this relationship. it is no one fault or no one to be blame. i am glad that we are still friends, at least we are not going to be enemy. it is a tough for me, because i never did it before, is jz because of u, u r the one i appreciated, so i think friend is our next stop :)

relationship ended doesnt mean that my life going to end as well. LIfe still goes on. teehee :D i am seriously thanks that for you concern,  sms, call, wechat, whatapp fb msg. all sorts of concern from u all, seriously, thank you, wai hong is tough, tears are for losers but not me. HAHA! a lot of assignments, presentation even viva come to me during this March which make me got no time to sad also. 

People always think that i am tough, indeed i'm not! i just dunno how to respond to it. is like.... even me myself couldnt describe it. however, dont worry dudes, i am fine, i really just in positive way. hahaha. :D

Wai Hong Ken

谢谢你陪我走过大学的这两年

三月一号，是我们的周年， 也是我们的终点， 我万万都想不到原来已经是终点。我记得两年前的新年，在年三十晚上，我跟利华谈了最后一通电话，内容至今乃在我脑海里面。她跟我说 “我们只有两条路，一是我们继续当好朋友，第二还是你要选择做陌生人” 大家逻辑怎么想应该会选择前者吧，错了，我是伟康，我选了后者。 原因？我已经不想再被“friendzone”了，一点都不过瘾，一点都不好玩。就这样，选了后者结果那变成了我们之间最后的一通电话。

可是我觉得上天是公平的，当你失去了某些东西，你乃会得到些东西。参加了活动，结果让我认识了她，没错， 就是宇昱。一个新年，让我们从不认识到认识，聊天，视频，见面，吃饭，聚会，然后渐渐的就这样在一起了。很童话故事？很敷衍？其实我觉得爱情就应该这样，老虎，老鼠，傻傻不清楚  :P 所以你问我纪念日是几时，其实我脑海告诉我，就新年吧，比较好记。一号其实是后来在一起了才想的，为了方便记得。哈哈哈。

如果算非正式，我们在一起已有两年了，如果要认真算，那就一年十个月吧。 我写这篇文章纯粹为了留念我在大学的点滴，美好的回忆。当然，两年内，甜酸苦辣一定是有的，难题过了一个又一个，误会解了一个又一个。很常，我们可以为了一个同样的问题，纠缠，吵架一个多月，重复又重复。。。有时候，真的不明白，到底坚持的是什么。总是没有一方愿意放下成见接受对方，尤其是我。我觉得讲理没有错，因为我是逻辑思考。 你说我牛，为何就是不能说理？

分了就没有什么舍得不舍得的，反正大家已经做出了最后的努力，最后的挽留，改变和尝试。真的，“死无遗憾”。 远距离成了我这段大学恋爱的句号。无论怎样，都没有到无法收拾的地步，至少大家都懂大家努力过了。很多话，我想去解释，可是我懂你牛起来，我说什么你都不听的。所以我希望有一天，你看到了，你读了，你会明白。 

很多时候，我主动找你聊天，不是我要查着你，管着你，我只是纯粹的问候。我只是随便的问一问，让你知道我有关心你的，而不是你所想的，我是控制你。问你是不是在跟朋友在忙着，纯粹要你知道，我知道你在你朋友那，而不是我不让你跟你朋友在一起，不让你跟你朋友干什么之类呢，很重要是，我曾经想要你在你朋友那边不能做什么吗？我管过你吗？我真的有控制过你，要你报告什么吗？我纯粹真的只是简单问候，却被扭曲成我管你了，我真的有伤心到，可是我懂一个事实，当你不喜欢一个人/厌倦一个人，无论他做什么东西，都会让你不称心的。所以我没有怪你，真的。。。。。

i find it seriously damn hard for me to write in chinese. i am going to graduate soon, in my expectation, i would choose somewhere that nearer to you as my intern and also my long term job? reason? coz i know u well, u feeling insecure when ur another half is not by ur side. hence, i have been struggle a long time to decided where shall i go for my intern? penang? kl? seremban? my hometown? just a lot of messed, i always tell myself to think, at last i go for my sleep =.= initially i had decided to go for either kl or seremban so that might easier for me to find u but now.... decided again ba... 

i tot distance would not fade away our relationship as i am graduate soon so distance will not be an issue to us. just months to go.... just months to go.... and we couldnt overcome this few months. it ended just right before 2 months from our official anniversay..... 

did i cried? no. why? i appreciate the relationship that we had. it is precious. we had done everything we could to let the relationship stay healthy and long. however, time is cruel, as time pass our relationship showed a lot of holes and problems which i already could bare and able to resolve. i am so sorry, i know i am a loser who choose to give up. is my fault, i am the one who couldnt face it strong and tough. 

no matter what, it had been full stop right now for our relationship. i feeling so glad that i had a 2 years journey with you, Thank you Yee Leey. 

Wai Hong Ken

13 drafts

a lot crossing my mind but i just dont know how to continue all these thoughts into a complete story...

today, i think of blogging while i am studying. hence, i go and view my friends blog. i realised nowadays there is so lil friend around me still using blog as a medium to release their emotions, no matter good or bad. from all the drafts that i have, there is always a sudden "kick" or sudden weird of feeling come across my mind which trigger me to write something, to share something of me. however, due to a lot a lot of condition, i am lazy, forget, out going which caused i dunno how to continue my text anymore. today, i try to open back each of my draft and try recall back my emotion, my feeling and my thought about that moment, however, i failed to do so. this draft case just recall of myself, how actually a person i am. i am a person in which i may did a mistake in past, but then now i got no chance to capture back all these mistake and redo it again. life got no take2, i cant do it, i really so sorry...

i wanted to apologize to one of my best friend( i am not sure my position in her heart but then i really treat her like sister) for a long time but then i just dunno how to voice, maybe my face not thick enough to take guts to apologize to her. she always asked herself, what friend mean to you, i not sure weather i am the friend that she mentioned but no matter what, i feeling guilty when she asked such question on her blog. because, i think i did owe her a lot a lot. a lot until it is uncountable. i hope u understand i really feel so guilty which i am so helpless to you when u really need my help. i am really really sorry. i never forget every moment that i spend with you, from the very beginning we meet up in safety campaign until the moment that i dumped u for my girlfriend.( if i nid to mention one by one, it is like nanny story, LOL)  i really feel so sorry. everyone conduct their life differently. some people might take more weights on friend while people like me take more weights on relationship. i know u seriously need friend as the moment u broke up, however, i would like to lend u a hand but i am just starting to build up my relationship. the condition is like, ur mama and ur girlfriend fall into the lake, which would u go and help them first? i selfishly pick to help my girlfriend instead of you, i know from that moment, u feel disappointed on me and maybe you are hate me? i really dunno larh T.T 1 more thing that i really would like to tell u is that, i have been questioned bout, when u already have a girlfriend, why should u have another bestie on opposite gender. hmmm, i also know that this questions come to me is just because my relationship is that such unstable. i know time could prove it wrong, i know time could let her understand that actually i really having just friendship with my bestie. yes, time proved it and actually i am able to meet up my bestie for 2 times this year! i remember from the day i paktoh until now, i only able to meet u up not more than 5 times, the first time is during maha maju yum cha with you when u come back during ur intern time, the second time is u finished ur study, u come back to take cert in uni ( we coincidently meet up and have a lunch)  if u able to look it in detail, i able to meet u up this year not because i only free this year, is that now only my relationship getting stable but then u are already graduate, walking a distance away from university.. i also know that it is too late now because it is really too late.... i know that things could go back to the origin, i know that our friendship is not like the previous we have but then my heart never change, inside the slot of friendship, there is still you inside :) i know i am late to do something as a friend, a ji mui of you, but at least i try to recover as much as i can. i thought that i could meet u up on ur convocation, to hang around with u at ipoh, but then due i got parttime, and u faced some problem, hence again we failed to meet up. i not giving up yet, i swear to myself, u r my besties, i try every single chance that i can, i must meet u up more frequently because i appreciate you as one of my friend...

maybe i just perasan, the person u mentioned is not me. hahahahhaa. mayb i am not that powerful weight in ur heart, but then i still feeling i owe u too a lot. i really sorry, really really sorry. 

以前是，现在是，未来都是， u r always my bestie no matter in past or future. and sincerely, i am sorry....

friends

Do really we need friend? Yes, as a human being we needed friends around. sometimes, you are too dependable on friend, even spend most of your time together, enjoy and play together. however, sometime when u too dependable, u hope MORE on them.

my girlfriend told me, friend is important, how if one day we both broke up, who are the one we depend on？ for sure is our friend. so, we try not get into two ppl world, in no matter how, we try merge with all, we try our best to be in the group of friends, we try our best.

however, things are not going on smooth, good and nice as well. when u are too dependable on your friend, u hope them care u a lot a lot. u thought all are together, so we will be going else together. in fact, NO! they just left you alone without noticing you when they simply thought u not at home. a deep hurt and sad for me. How could they dump me alone? do i that not need companion? friends, are you forgot about me ad? do i that hateful that u all dump me? it's ok. it just all my feeling, not your fault. i know i am just too dependable on you all, i should be more independence, i promised myself, NO NEXT TIME! no matter what shit else happened, i would independence by myself. i wont RELY on YOU ALL 100%. it bring only HURTS to me.

:(

when i see the date 4/10/2013 i though i had not updated my blog for months. Though/dream always not the real one, it always different with what really happening.

i always admit that i am a person who fall in love easily but i not the betrayer type. i am not a hero but i wont make a mistake that same as the past. it had been years and times whereby i dint fall in a serious love. i though i am matured enough to handle a love but in fact, i'm so sorry to you which i feel i not matured enough for you. i always bring tears to you, i am so sorry... i couldnt protect you in the way u like somemore i need your care and love...

love always a so wonderful thing in my life although i keep on, falling, falling and falling. i dunno why am i such a weak person. i fall easily, emo easily, emotion break down easily front of the one who i really care and love. i feel myself a weak one, not suit to be with you, i am such a loser.... i always bring negative message to you, always make you angry, always make you this and that, i am such a fool, sometime i know i really a wood.

argumentative topics always occured in us. you have different view point as well as me. we are both protecting ourself in our facts. it is funny when it come for initial argumentative topics. but since got once, things going on. it was like the argumentative topics another way how we interact and chat, talk as well. i will not get angry easily in an argumentative topics. however, i get myself a serious moody one, i feel i am so weak... why cant i just come down my emotion, stay cool and steady, settle it nicely? think it wisely? i am just so weak and stupid. ><

sometime there was something in my mind. shall this path of road continue or stop? if stop, thr will be dissapointing the girl, which the one i promise myself the most, i wont let you go. the promise is not just a promise, it is when i am really care you, i really love you, i cant without you.

i know i am not a real positive person indeed, i tend to hurt myself in violence way, i hurt myself, i just dunno how to express myself. it's like a boiled water cannot come out from the water, the full water pail cannot be leak out, i really want to understand more on you my dear :(

i tends to emo myself because i am those type ppl of which i wont bring forward my emotion, my expression,it may end today then end. You are the one who different from me, u hold ur feeling, u hide ur feeling, it permeanently inside ur heart. I better put it on my face but hide it inside my heart is because i know you are different. Dear, i doesnt mean to hurt you, i doesnt mean i dont wan to tell u, i hope you know that....

overloaded pail...

when a pail was loaded full with water, so what shall you do? comman sense we will pour the water to another empty pail. Same for me, when i was full loaded with bad emotion, i will unload the bad emotion, sad tone into another "pail", which was my bloggie. I am not a good writer, with a lot of type error and manglish, LOLZ.

when you feel that, you are the one who own something more than friendship but still a bit lesser than relationship, that particular people is defined as "幸福的人". if that GOD let me to choose, i rather be a just normal human being, best friend or even we named as so called "brother/sister" really that good? friends around you might envy or jealous bout this kind of friendship, for me, not really. the one who in the situation only will know what kind of feeling of being such status of friend.

you asked, you said " the feeling towards you is good friend, is best friend, love do not considered". So, a question that i would like to ask you in return, do you know that, human was made of blood and meat, as what movies said, human with 七情六欲，三魂七魄，难道日久就不会生情咩？ if you asked the word of weather we are POSSIBLE? i would answer, if i doesnt believe in myself,who are the one who going to give me confidence to believe that we are possible?

i not an introvoke, so i tend not to be silent for every single moment of my life. when i tend to be silent, either i am listening to someone, or else that i fall in to deep, bad emotion. you told me that, something that is yours then it will be yours , when something not yours, then that thing is not yours. if the people purposely to do something to avoid you, no matter it is just a simple stuff, it also could be the thing to avoid you. as for you, as you do not have the feeling on me, so how hard i do, it come with no mean. when you have the feeling on him, no matter how you set urself single this moment, there will be something in future. it is not about rules and regulation, limit and limitation, it just because who i am, who he is. smile hardly is something that i did my best so that it wont look too bad of my voice, too serious of my bad emotion. I know i am not a good actor but i really could not cheat myself. those kind of jealousy is something that you never realise, always that i said i am jealous of this and that, you just take it easy, you never know how serious i am. i know i am joker but i never take love as a joke, indeed.

i know, friendship forever not a nice words that you used on him, cause you hope something more, not now but maybe future. As for me, u did keep repeating this kind of words with me, it just because who i am, Lee Wai Hong. I know, as an individual, we should appreciate every single moment of our life, every single person who besides us, friends and family. I saying all these, i know you are pressured and tension, so sorry, i dint mean to force you or what, i just simply release my emotion, my truth feeling inside my heart. Still, i appreciate the time being with you, the willingness of you to accompany the bored me with a call in the late night although you are sleepy, so thankful and that was really touch. Friends? Let it be as long as you happy. :)

study? NO!

fate really decided everything. Last night i adjusted the setting hence i could see every update of yours. I'm not sure weather is "lucky" or what, i saw ur status, which later been delete. thanks for letting me know all that, sorry for disturbing you, so so sorry.... again, i am just a foolish, who cry for no one. Damn, sometime i think is it being a gay is better, i feel my foolish keep repeating in my life, keep on and keep on repeating, why ha?

christmas again, i still remeber last christmas, a tall girl, a short guy, a promise to go back hometown celebrate her birthday, which was a good friend( what the guy thought). This year, still, a tall girl, a short guy, a promise to visit her during her free time..... Midnight long talk, a short guy, a tall girl, too loud and annoyed the parents of the tall girl, this year, a short guy and a tall girl, an excited conversation, made her sister was annoyed by the noice in late night. last christmas, she promised will visited to kampar, to see so call me, this year, she promised, one day later maybe when she get time to w.malaysia, she will come over to visit kampar, me again. Two different incident, two different people but bring the same effect, same feel to me. I think i shall seek and look for LORD or GOD, do last decade of my life did something that are very wrong, why things keep just repeating the same on me, again and again, again and again. Or just i am the one who escaped from fact, i never face my problem properly, i should not handle it in the same way, i know i should not blame anyone but myself, i should learn from mistake, not run from mistake. Lee Wai Hong, u can do it!

我相信这个世界上异性间有纯友谊，可是不是你和我。

不要知道的太多，會難過

today i saw my friend shared this post, so i oso share share, LOL afterwards i delete it =.= lolz. actually i am not sure what actually this related to me but just so true, something the one who are stupid is the one who blessed and own happiness. my curiousity never ends, this make me know more, more and more which is at last, the result is so cruel. Haha.

离别后的1200

1200这个数字是我们离开了的时间，不长不短足够让我对你的思念那么的不浅，不浅  =.= 不懂从什么时候开始，每当看到戏剧里哭戏的画面我眼睛不禁湿了 =.= 都是你还的啦，我以前都没有酱的啦 =.=

一个奇妙的相遇，一切感谢“缘分”。如果没有缘分，那我们就不会相见而相熟。我还记得他把你介绍的时候，让我心情真的很紧张。他说，待会儿有一个美女会跟我们一起吃饭。听见后我真的有点心情不懂如何形容。见到了，的确是美，可是太惊讶了，高 = =’

其实有一个秘密没有告诉你，其实我打从第一次吃饭就记得你的名字了啦，老套的搭讪发乃没有被你发现，哈哈哈，笨笨的你。说起笨笨的你，就是因为这样，你吸引了我。

不懂该说巧合还是命中注定，既然因为一次raya下kl制造了让我们相熟的机会。在车上的一幕幕乃在我的脑海里，就好像曲婉婷唱的，“你存在，我深深的脑海里”。 我们大声的哗啦哗啦，好像都不觉得旁边有人，感觉上车上只有我们，旁边都是可是ignore de,lollll 你是个很随和的朋友，既然在一个不是很熟的情况下跟我独自去逛街，其实我很想说，我好幸福哦，我好像不懂5个手指头就能数完单独跟女生逛街的次数。那时候总有一个让我不解的问题， 怎么你把家事收的这么密，莫非你真的很在意，而且很复杂？应该是那样

美好的时光总是那么的快，那么的快过，认识你一个学期，是时候放假回家了。既然，这个放假是你思考到底未来这条路该怎么走。不出预料，你最后决定了要走，这个答案让我很沉重及不舍。

回来了，不懂是否我对你有些影响力，你尝试了第一个礼拜的课才做你的最后决定。这段时间看得出你的心情十多么的反复，其实我除了在旁做一些有的没的让你暂时忘记那些复杂的决定。我懂，其实对你来说其实没有什么很大的作用。过了没多久后你却又再从新做过决定，走。

感觉怎样，身边的朋友其实都问我到底感觉怎样。打算欺骗自己吗？其实对我来说，珍惜重于一切。这一分钟的朋友并不能保证下一秒的朋友，谁又能预测到未来？谁又能敢说永远啊？所以珍惜成为了我跟你能走到现在的原因。

夜晚很可怕，总让我想起你。。。。

待续。

there always a question inside my mind, shall i took more photos with you? photos are the thing which can captured memory, captured the memory between you and i. unfortunate, i always forgot to take photo with you laaa. Something that i really not understand with girl, take photo must with "top form" LOL again break the chancessssss that i could take photo with you every place that we visit to.

i could nt really adapt to the changes without you, especially where there is no any medium for me to listen to your voice, a medium that can let me feel actually we are near. Even after your leave, i cried for several times(for sure when nobody la =.=) i not sure why this happened to me, why ha? i really duno = ='

shit, nothing much come into my mind today, so i just stopped here. a song that i liked most and would like to share with you, the lyrics said that, 我能想到最浪漫的事，就是和你一起慢慢变老，this sentences in which i hope so, mayb it is too early for me to think the future, to think our golden age time but nothing more inside my mind even my heart, it's all about you :) being either a friend or better than a friend, is my pleasure to know you, my pleasure to be part of your life :)

xmas? xmas? how where and when? these words keep come into my brain? where shall i go? when shall i go? how i go? i hope that i could have the pleasure to celebrate this romantic eve with you for the first year that we know each other :) 

北马之旅

Just 1 month time never touch my blog then the layout page changed a lot. OMG =.= i seriously could not get use to it. Always the time before i wanna back home there sure a lot of stuff that flow over my brain, think thought a lot. weather it is really good or bad i not really know. 

a lot of stuffs happened recently haix but the first thing that i would like to share is that the group trip that visited to langkawi, alor setar and also penang. it was a joyful, tired, interesting, happy trip. Although we always got some lil arguement or even frustration in between but still we got "ahli bomba" to ends up the fire. lol. thanks god u 2 with us.

the first place we went were the ipoh. we bought the train ticket 2 weeks in advance from ipoh to alor setar. seriously the chair of the train is not taste good, even me can barely sleep only due the next guy sit beside me leave in a sudden, wonder were that i accidentally gave him a punch LOL

the things go smooth as what i planned, we reach around noon, we had our lunch MAC D then we go for a rest then black sand beach. we planned to go an outing to island, it was an unexpected snokerling for me, because i really damn fear of water, but due raining and big ocean wave, i force to be brave >.< perasan LOL

the third day we planned to go for the cable car, since all like shopholicks, we changed our plan from cable car to shopping. Poor us, each of us at least spent 50~150 ringgit for chocolate ONLY 

LOL 

we spent a great night at alor setar, at least for me it is wonderful. OMG, i really eat till super duper extremely full, main dish+side dish, the side dish is very IMBA IMBA IMBA BIGGG ARHHHHH eat till i almost cant breath. THANKS Han Sin parents for the dinner, really fulllllllll

for me, the penang trip was a point of dissapointment for me. Stupid rain never stop, oh shit! =.= 8 wall draws, we only possible to visit 2 only, too bad. dint get to eat the cendol, dint get to eat char kuey teow, dint get to the temple, omg, rain~ this taught me a lesson in which next time must pray hard not rain and not to choose rainy reason, it spoiled the plan deeply. T.T i promise i will go back to penang for a visit as soon as i visited to kelantan, pahang, johor and also terengganu. that is my wish in which explore to every state of W.malaysia. Wuakaka.

last morning we spent at alor setar was the muzium padi and also muzium sains. Had a lot of fun thr, hahahaha, really funny, btw this age go in, still a lot of thing that keep unknown, haixx, knowledge never had an end

i was planning to post a lot alot of photo to my blog but next time sin la, 2.18am, time to sleep, recharge go back hometown.... although i swear i am not a child which stick to home, but a long journey must come to a break so that can travel further long jurney 休息为了走更长的路 this is what i direct translate from ><

*ps i so proud to be 1st blogger to update among my 7 friends which going this trip* ^^V

Happiness and lifes

I tend to have such a question in my brain, again and again asking myself, how i define the word happy? how consider as i felt happy and how will just consider emo? what consider as simple life? how i define my life as a simple life? how i live a simple life. these questions, again and again appeared inside my brain, repeating again and again.

It is so funny that i update my blog right at the library. that day, right after marketing fiesta, it was tuesday, i rmb it well, i found my happy inside my photo. Suprisingly, i also dont realised i was that happy. It might due to the environment i joined, so the happy was simply reflects from them. hanging out with yb frens, what they called "family day(wednesday)" was an happy day. previously, i thought that was just a joke in which they will very happy during their family day. However, once i joined them, wow, I'm wrong. They did very happy. in chinese, 他们那简单的笑感染了我，我也笑了。it is just too hard to described how happy they were, it just.. their happiness and smile are that simple, that pure. that happy. I really proud to join them although it is just once i join them. so sorry my frens, i said this with no harm, i doesnt mean that i'm not happy currently with you all, just that coincident which made me feel different in them :)

生日前后

已经有很久的时间没有提起劲写我的部落格了，很常就是写了，写到一半不懂该怎么继续下去然后放在draft里面生灰尘。这个生日真是惊喜连连，有惊也有喜。首先我要谢谢慧媚为我策划的生日惊喜。心存感恩　^^V pmp gang+fren gang一起帮我庆祝，真的谢谢你们，很感动。。。那个叮当蛋糕我放在冰箱不舍得吃 @@　哈哈，姐姐我会记得你给我盖的cream 然后跑掉，ish! :PPP

下来kl其实巧遇到我的生日，因为那个不是我真正下来的目的，嘻嘻。无论如何，谢谢你白忙里抽空拿 cream　砸我，哈哈哈哈，真的没有想到呢。谢谢你的礼物，好像很贵重　＠＠　有点不好意思呢，也不舍得拿来穿 @@ 其实这次来是为了提早帮你庆祝生日，因为怕你回家＋我考试，所以只有这段时间最适合不过了。谢谢权，民，杰愿意抽空出来，没有你们她肯定没有那么容易上当的啦，哈哈哈哈。生日礼物其实也弄好了很久，你看到这篇的时候记得向我哥哥拿你的生日礼物，虽然不能亲手送给你，可是我觉得礼物的心意是我这位朋友给你最后的祝福。907 代表着我每天给与你的祝福。　

这么的一天，在那天你告诉我你决定读diploma开始就预了会有这样的一天。错不是你和我，错只是在于时间，我们这段时间刚好遇上了不对的时间，你考试，辛苦你了。有空记得来找我哟，短时间都不会来找你了，怕你忙，哈哈哈。我也该回去准备我的考试等等。提早收拾我的心情，马六甲之旅，有缘再去吧，我曾说过，去那里都无所谓，只要跟朋友一起就好了。在我心中朋友永远排第一位，因为我知道我家人，我父母我哥哥我姐姐姐，就算我做了什么再错的事情都会包容鲁莽的我，所以他们无论怎样，都在我心中排第二。一颗碎的像灰那样的心是无法用任何方东西弥补的因为真的真的受伤了到极点。别总在觉得即将失去才来叫我dear,我跟我哥哥不同，我不受这一套。其实我没有打算放弃你这个朋友，可是我觉得，把你留在我心中就好了，不必常提，不必常联络，不必常聊天也不必常见面，因为你太忙了，要见到你真的难上加难。我不想给你任何压力，所以昨晚我讯息都删掉，不想影响你考试。胃痛，骂过，讲过，什么都做了，就是不听话，连我哥哥也给你气坏了。我们是坏人，你朋友通通都是好人，你胃痛看了医生，你说一声去吃冰就陪你去，那些是好人，我们是坏人，你一言都听不进去。不懂的珍惜一次再一次，我真的不懂如何是好，我觉得我自己好傻，好笨，都在对着空气说话。你放心，我以后都不会在唠叨你了，你要照顾自己，胃痛了记得找你的coursemate,你就是爱这样，希望得到新朋友对你的同情关心，可是你却从未发现，你身边一直有着很关心你的我，很关心你的朋友，伟杰。 这些关心你的人不帅不起眼，你总爱踩我们的底线，一而再，再而三的不珍惜不代表我会放纵让你这样，对不起，我收回对你好，对你的关心，你永远会在我心中出现，可是诉我已经很累，我不懂如何爱你珍惜你，关心你，因为你至少不懂的珍惜我对你好。别让我看穿，你搬家是迟早的事，我不会看错的。

如果你看了有冲动打电话给我的，我求求你想好说什么才打给我，我不想在电话放空，我真的会哭，我不想，我第二次为了一件人们觉得愚蠢（为了一个异性普通朋友而哭）的事而哭。我真的不想这样。。。。错不在你和我，this is life, life still goes on, there will be no one derserve to accompany you until your life end, so i dint blame on you because i know that you not deserve to accompany my whole life. I swear i would stay tough, as well as you  :)

还有谢谢贤的sunway trip,有两年时间没来了，都忘了该怎么走怎么玩，人超多。更谢谢你给的生日礼物，谢谢你。我第一件叮当衣服，嘻嘻！

跟嘉玲在kl见面，看了一出戏还吃了她妈妈炒的果条　＠＠　真不好意思呢，既然要安第请吃，哈哈哈哈， paiseh paiseh @_@ 最不好意思的还是要麻烦安第赶最后几碟然后载我们去火车站，谢谢了安第。　^_^V

我的生日愿望看来没有完全的实现，我不要求名贵奢侈的礼物，我要求很简单，朋友在身边就是对我的肯定。

yb Finance course geh fren

badminton 

going jusco for movie

stalked jie jie schedule

poor wei jian >.<

orchado after cultural expo ^^

wet us in cultural expo XD

nandos kat Station 18

5 of us XD

movie day with yb "family"

\

jie jie at yue zhong lou, how cute she was XD

贤妻 XD cook thing for 3 ma lat lou drink

my sweet grandma

she wrap her mouth happily LOL

big head me

big head han sin

big head jie jie 

big head dai fan shu 

bowie jie <3

my recent activities

pmp gang!

家好月圆餐厅，庆功宴！吃到凌晨3点都不饿

SUSHI BONANZA!

IS groupmates, u all r da best!

Jie Jie with me

Fan shu with me LOL

Bowie with me XD

presentation day~

BOYS gang~

YB birthday XD

endless time update

times passed like eyes blink, suprisingly a month had passed and it had been a month time in which i dint update my blog. i seldom update my blog for happy thing, dint i? majority my blog only update with some my hidden feelings, lolz. i oweys been asked, a happy person like you will have something unhappy to worry or in other word, will i have bad emotion? sure i would have some,or maybe a lot? LOLZ i am just a normal human being for sure i would have some bad emotion as normal human but just i dint express it until a day, it exploded due to excessive accumulation.

pmp had ended for 2 weeks of time still i feel that time passed really so so so fast.i dint realise that 4 weeks of time is that sort of fast. really really fast.

PS; i forgot when i wrote this, so i wrote it halfway duno what shall i continue jor

great time with great peoples

since 16th May until now, although it just like 2 and half week but things happened like tons, some pressed on me, some happens on like what i like. as what GOD decide the fate, when u get something then u will lost something, i totally agreed. 20 minutes to 4am then it will b my time to sleep, since i got times, so i decided to update my 2 weeks blog ><

shall start will some bad thing or good? i prefer to put bad thing first. hmmmm, first indeed, i dint blame for others wrong, i know it does my wrong, my wrong in which i duno how, i dint mange to hold a good relationship with a well build friendship friend as compared to make a new friend. make a new friend is easy but i dont know why it is too hard for me to keep. aiii, anything lar, i doesnt care so much ady, see 1 step walk 1 step lol... but 1 thing i promised i never do, i never have any more than friend on you, no matter you see this or not tak pa la LOL

hmmm... PMP was like a tired busy packed activities no matter in between mentor and mentee, mentee and mentee, mentor and mentor or mentee and comittee or mentor and commitee, it's like a big family who played together as long as u play with them. i never regret to join this program, it just a matter of in which weather i shall back home on september or still continue as second time, if my dad dint rush me back,i really wont mind to stay.... LOL.... not least, shall thanks my partner oweys do the minority work that i oweys careless on, so glad to have "aunty Jie Xin" as my partner XD hope that i dint bring much troubles for her.

in this 2 weeks, i do let my emotion fly fiercely at the badminton court, in which i realy know that i am consider lost control, i never did that b4. it probably mayb i really couldnt bare anymore, i was totally upset and angry. i was with the faceproblem which get abandoned. Shit, that feeling was just shit. nevermind, every1  learn from mistake, i will try to prevent such thing happen on me TWICE ^_^ so sorry to my friends or other not well known mentee which saw my lost control look, so sad :(

happy thhing was like the movies! wow, twice in the weekend, MIB on saturday and snow white on sunday. both movies are great. but the story of snow white like a bit too bored of the story line and a bit make alan and me laughing non stop...

jusco bowling is like very worst but actually how worst it is i not really know, but that is my virgin try on bowling, i dint play it b4.(Dylan who the 1 taught me how to play) HAHAHHAHA! the 1st ball i roll was like the movie, roll into the drain. i get back in short timeand i get my highest score, 67(with only 1 spare)  >< 

糖水街 also 1st in my life, it is fulled with stall, instead we dint drink dou any tong shui but we ate our dinner there. the food hahahahahaha! can make mefull zao ok liao lar, the abc is not bad, with kacang, the taste is like sweet then crunchy pula LOLLLL funny

放弃执著你就会幸福, the book that i bought from popular, i hope that i could really do as what the book title means. i really means that, i nid to be like that.....

-END-

理性vs感性

是没有矜持还是随和？是不服还是不满？是理性还是感性?是大局优先还是约定重要？人生都很多个选择，很多时候就有如dylan所说，一些事情上面是没有对与错的。

是理性的反应？觉得目前的活动比较重要，因为要约大家出来聚一聚，把大家的冷场先破掉，这样就比较容易沟通，我非常赞成，因为我也是一个怕寂寞的人，认识很多人=对我来说，除了棒
我就想不到什么了。可是预定呢？预定不重要吗？我的预定被别人质疑，问了这里，comfirm了这里，得到了那边同意，本想会是个运动的晚上，感觉不错。两者之间，我只能的不懂到底谁错了？是聚会重要？还是承诺了重要？一群人当然比我（因为只有我一个人想去玩）重要，我个人觉得是这样啦？有时候没有说出来分享不是因为我爱说暗话，只是避免争吵，只怕到时候为了个人主意大家争吵个不停。到底是不是因为你的关系，我对你太在乎了，就算再怎么爱野蛮，也愿意放下自己，对与错已不重要了，因为我都听你的。。。。。是这样吗？这样的我，到底是感性？还是理性？

我不写英文是我觉得华语比较能抒发我感觉。。。

为舍我总是把小事看的那么重，可能一个哗啦哗啦的晚上，她根本没有记在心中，因为她觉得，我少玩那么一次根本不重要。算了。。。。 晚安 :)