到底怎么了

到底为什么

那该死的情绪，那该死的脾气，那该死的自己一直都不变的性格，太多太多的该死的自己。 怎么一直都在同一个问题上打转？怎么才能改变这该死的自己，太难还是我根本没有踏出去呢？太在意跟太在乎似乎变成了别人压力的同时也变成我自己的压力。放开似乎才是我应该做的。需要再三再三地提醒自己，爱自己是最重要的，今天让我最失望的是，你既然骗了我，你既然为了把整个东西给包装美好却骗了我，你欺骗了我一路对你的信任，谢谢你。

没关系的，不需要那样的，我需要这样提醒自己，让自己不再受到那些不必要的压力跟伤害。

课题外的那该死的烟霾快点走啊，病了一整天也都睡了一整天 X.X

一年半。算盘结束

没想到，事隔一年半既然会把ｂｌｏｇ开启，开始发泄我负面的情绪。十二月二十号写了我第一篇对她有感觉的论文，谢谢两位朋友，在一月十一号踏上了我们开始的第一天。头半年没有吵架，我以为。。。　一直都是我以为，以为感情稳定，就是两极性格的人可以相处得来。久而久之谁知道原来是欢喜一场，她既然是头牛。很够力牛的牛，牛会吃草，他不会，因为都讲不听。也许这就是狮子座的本性，除了自己谁也不相信。２０１７五月，我们感情终于来到了重点，原因是我们性格不合，所接受的东西格格不入。我矮，我胖，我没钱没楼。。。这些听进耳了，就算说对不起都弥补不到。我介意的不是这番话，而是这番话是从你嘴里说出来，陌生人说了我当笑话，可是如果你说了，我觉得你在笑我。一段非常讽刺的话，没想过我既然那么的差，不足于让你把我带去见家长，不足于让你骄傲，既委屈又卑微。我不挽留你却说我想你，想我死了算把？我不认错因为我觉得我没有爱情出轨，我认错是希望感情有转机却被喷的一脸屁。还不够，还要拒绝我的好。那算了吧我彻底死心不管却又一次来温暖。挖靠，你可以告诉你想要怎样？

可是谢谢你，我今天更认识自己了，原来是我把爱情理所当然，是我把爱情看的太肤浅。是我给的自信太多而你觉得不是一回事。原来我需要的是玩伴不是伴侣，我需要的是一个人陪我快乐的玩，开心的时候一起，大家彼此累了就自行解决。这样的说法最好不过了。。。好我接受。。。

就这样一年半，第二个句号，问题还是在于我，过度自信，太相信自己。。。。　我错了。。。错在不应该努力付出，自讨苦吃。。。。。

silly feeling in midnight

Time really flies. I had finally finish my last two papers in UTAR. seriously all thing should come to a really serious full stop after been 5 years in Kampar. I feel ashamed not because of i am been so long in Kampar for just study a simple course, it's all about money that i spend, the money that my parents hardly earn it for me. Now only 1 word in my mind, earn it myself, use it myself and just treat them good. It's some luck there that i get my first graduate job in my ex company. My friend always say that im lucky, not to deny I am. thanks to my previous boss, i get my first job, 2 months, as a contract ambassador. hahaha. seriously? yes. far enough, seri kembangan. When you think that you are in good luck, it was unstoppable. Hahahahahaha. It is then until i met her, Kim. Finally, i walked out of shadow which i broke up and being single for 8 months. Quiet, caring, introvert yet she really can cheer me up. Being someone in the totally opposite of my personality, i find that, a perfect match. HAHAHAHA. sounds weird right? There are a lot a lot of barriers that we need to go through. The first and for most, DISTANCE. we from diff hometown, diff status. hahahaha. while she work im study and while i am working she study. totally opposite of environment. I believe, i really believe no matter how far the distance is, as long as heart to heart, nothing couldnt be resolved. Although we are nothing now, we cannot be anything now, i believe as long as believing in each other, nothing would be stopping us to be together. another annoying stuff that bothering us from together is that HER DAD and MOM not ALLOWED her to has romantic relationship as long as she NOT GRADUATED. MY GOSH! seriously? is ok =.=

People say when times fly and when u meet someone new, you tend to forget what you have in passed. For me, no. Seriously, the answer no. It was really deep enough to make it appeared in my dream. i just couldnt forget, couldnt let it go, couldnt put down. i was regret to the decision i really made, the hurt that i made. If there was really chance for me, i would like to apologize. Sorry, i dint know that brought a deep hurt to you. sorry.......

To be continued...

Emo Emo jiu ok jor

I am just doing fine, i am just doing good. I am all alright. these are the words that i tell to everyone. in case, i asked myself, do i really feel sad? do i necessary to cry out loud to really represent my deep feeling. i asked myself again and again, the answer was NO. I really dont know how i react towards my emotion. maybe i just, feel nothing. but something i couldnt be deny that, memory was just too deep to forget. it's still there in my brain, things was just like yesterday. How could i forgot every single detail that was just happened like yesterday? I just couldnt control sometime, it even present in my dream in that damn frequent. Sometime it came twice a week, sometime, it just happened almost every days. It doesnt feel good for me as the dream happened so real which sometime i woke with some tears, some laugh or even mad when i woke up. I had to get through these, Ken please stay tough, it already been a pass for you. Every time i tell ppl to be tough, just forget it, when i am in the situation, now only me myself can feel how hard to forget, how hard to put down. However, i m just trying as hard as i could, Ken you are tough, dont live in the pass, dun live in the memory, you are still Ken and life still goes on. This is the only thing that i could do and promise to myself, dun fall down, stay tough....

Recently during my interns, thanks god i met a girl, which was from same hometown as me. It just gave me a feeling of reliable when i am really down down down. I dint think further what we could be, she just gave a good relief during my downturn time, at least a friend indeed. Things doesnt always go like what you thought, after months of being friend, i found that..... our so called "pattern" was exactly on the opposite site. very very extreme of opposite site. My gosh =.= It was like you do something intentionally to help but she felt that i purposely to harm her. Hahahahaha. funny right. I dont put finger or blame to who, i just admit in anyway, I'm wrong. I shouldnt push her to accept my kindness, it was my fault.

缘分就是个奥妙的东西，勉强是没有幸福的。

我也学会了一样东西叫着，与其争取不属于自己的东西，珍惜，珍惜自己拥有的才是最好的。

一切都太迟，时间，就是要跟时间在比赛。

睡了大概两个钟就要面对我的面试了。哈哈哈，我觉得我没有很快的头脑，都答到我的老板气胀了。问了很多很多很多技术性的问题，还强调我，难道你学校没有交你吗。惨了惨了，为舍跟我想象的问题差这么远。。。可是算了，还是录取了，只是工钱少的可怜。。。。

slow shutter enhance the view of how fast the car crossed the road, showing that how fast the time passed. i am regret on too reliable onto the job that initially promised. i was regret, at the end it becomes nothing and i only can use the limited 1 week of time to find my intern, settle my intern and comfirm my intern. something crossed my mind to was that some memories flow through my mind. today i was interviewed at puchong and it actually located end of old klang road. i passed by the shop that where last time ur sis worked at and i remember of you again. it was that time we came all the way from Seremban to KL, to sunway pyramid to accompany your mom shopping. Memories always that sweet that let you remember something but it also hurt at the same time, because u r living in reality NOW but no the pass. 

Life still goes on :)

first, i would like to apologize to all my friends. i am not tend to make you worry me after my broke up, it is just some thought of myself after broke up. i just wanna to record it as a memory for me to remember some day in future. :) we are broke up peacefully which both of us come to an agreement. it doesnt matter who speak it first because both of us understand that, we tried every single alternative to maintain this relationship. it is no one fault or no one to be blame. i am glad that we are still friends, at least we are not going to be enemy. it is a tough for me, because i never did it before, is jz because of u, u r the one i appreciated, so i think friend is our next stop :)

relationship ended doesnt mean that my life going to end as well. LIfe still goes on. teehee :D i am seriously thanks that for you concern,  sms, call, wechat, whatapp fb msg. all sorts of concern from u all, seriously, thank you, wai hong is tough, tears are for losers but not me. HAHA! a lot of assignments, presentation even viva come to me during this March which make me got no time to sad also. 

People always think that i am tough, indeed i'm not! i just dunno how to respond to it. is like.... even me myself couldnt describe it. however, dont worry dudes, i am fine, i really just in positive way. hahaha. :D

Wai Hong Ken

谢谢你陪我走过大学的这两年

三月一号，是我们的周年， 也是我们的终点， 我万万都想不到原来已经是终点。我记得两年前的新年，在年三十晚上，我跟利华谈了最后一通电话，内容至今乃在我脑海里面。她跟我说 “我们只有两条路，一是我们继续当好朋友，第二还是你要选择做陌生人” 大家逻辑怎么想应该会选择前者吧，错了，我是伟康，我选了后者。 原因？我已经不想再被“friendzone”了，一点都不过瘾，一点都不好玩。就这样，选了后者结果那变成了我们之间最后的一通电话。

可是我觉得上天是公平的，当你失去了某些东西，你乃会得到些东西。参加了活动，结果让我认识了她，没错， 就是宇昱。一个新年，让我们从不认识到认识，聊天，视频，见面，吃饭，聚会，然后渐渐的就这样在一起了。很童话故事？很敷衍？其实我觉得爱情就应该这样，老虎，老鼠，傻傻不清楚  :P 所以你问我纪念日是几时，其实我脑海告诉我，就新年吧，比较好记。一号其实是后来在一起了才想的，为了方便记得。哈哈哈。

如果算非正式，我们在一起已有两年了，如果要认真算，那就一年十个月吧。 我写这篇文章纯粹为了留念我在大学的点滴，美好的回忆。当然，两年内，甜酸苦辣一定是有的，难题过了一个又一个，误会解了一个又一个。很常，我们可以为了一个同样的问题，纠缠，吵架一个多月，重复又重复。。。有时候，真的不明白，到底坚持的是什么。总是没有一方愿意放下成见接受对方，尤其是我。我觉得讲理没有错，因为我是逻辑思考。 你说我牛，为何就是不能说理？

分了就没有什么舍得不舍得的，反正大家已经做出了最后的努力，最后的挽留，改变和尝试。真的，“死无遗憾”。 远距离成了我这段大学恋爱的句号。无论怎样，都没有到无法收拾的地步，至少大家都懂大家努力过了。很多话，我想去解释，可是我懂你牛起来，我说什么你都不听的。所以我希望有一天，你看到了，你读了，你会明白。 

很多时候，我主动找你聊天，不是我要查着你，管着你，我只是纯粹的问候。我只是随便的问一问，让你知道我有关心你的，而不是你所想的，我是控制你。问你是不是在跟朋友在忙着，纯粹要你知道，我知道你在你朋友那，而不是我不让你跟你朋友在一起，不让你跟你朋友干什么之类呢，很重要是，我曾经想要你在你朋友那边不能做什么吗？我管过你吗？我真的有控制过你，要你报告什么吗？我纯粹真的只是简单问候，却被扭曲成我管你了，我真的有伤心到，可是我懂一个事实，当你不喜欢一个人/厌倦一个人，无论他做什么东西，都会让你不称心的。所以我没有怪你，真的。。。。。

i find it seriously damn hard for me to write in chinese. i am going to graduate soon, in my expectation, i would choose somewhere that nearer to you as my intern and also my long term job? reason? coz i know u well, u feeling insecure when ur another half is not by ur side. hence, i have been struggle a long time to decided where shall i go for my intern? penang? kl? seremban? my hometown? just a lot of messed, i always tell myself to think, at last i go for my sleep =.= initially i had decided to go for either kl or seremban so that might easier for me to find u but now.... decided again ba... 

i tot distance would not fade away our relationship as i am graduate soon so distance will not be an issue to us. just months to go.... just months to go.... and we couldnt overcome this few months. it ended just right before 2 months from our official anniversay..... 

did i cried? no. why? i appreciate the relationship that we had. it is precious. we had done everything we could to let the relationship stay healthy and long. however, time is cruel, as time pass our relationship showed a lot of holes and problems which i already could bare and able to resolve. i am so sorry, i know i am a loser who choose to give up. is my fault, i am the one who couldnt face it strong and tough. 

no matter what, it had been full stop right now for our relationship. i feeling so glad that i had a 2 years journey with you, Thank you Yee Leey. 

Wai Hong Ken